haunted harvest board
I truly could live off cheese and charcuterie if given a no-consequences opportunity. With Halloween rolling into play on Sunday, why not snack your way to spooky with this Haunted Harvest Board? It’s utterly simple, adorable, and ushers in the festive feelings of the upcoming months – I think we all need some good cheer, so let’s nibble together.
For a weird period in my young life, I shunned cheese for no apparent reason other than some misguided hyper-health snippet I picked up from the Interwebs. I’m not milk or lactose intolerant, I don’t have any elevated biomarkers that’d point to a necessary cheese reduction, I just caught on to the trend that cheese was bad. Granted, there are plenty of valid reasons to avoid cheese outside of wellness-based lifestyle changes, but I did not have a need, or a real desire. Thank God the gluten-free trend never bit me like a mosquito.
Bring on this cute and easy Haunted Harvest Board. Three cheeses (or more if you wish!), seasonally-shaped and flavored sweets, fresh fruit, your favorite crackers, briny olives, and meats you can’t live without…The faux skeleton on your balcony will even find a sparkle of life and might clomp inside to join you. I couldn’t flick those intrusive hands off my board, so I decided to share. Turns out the skeleton is a nice dude. Had a family once. Likes tea. Hopefully yours is pleasant, else you might want to volunteer someone else’s house as your cheeseboard-making basecamp…
This board is the easiest I’ve offered up on FMG. No cooking or manual prep is really involved, just some cheese slicing and olive pouring. As with any charcuterie, the choice of cheese really falls in your lap. I love Brie in any context, but if you prefer a different soft variety, by all means use that instead. I grabbed havarti and sharp cheddar for my second and third options, the lattermost as a hard cheese to break up the softer textures of the other pair.
I focused more on maintaining something of a dreary color scheme. Greens, oranges, and whites remind me of a sunken graveyard: it’s colored, not happy and cozy like the hues of The Great Pumpkin Hummus Board, but drawn down like sallow cheeks and reminiscent of poison fog lurking over catacombs. I keep going back to the skeleton hands, but yeah – I really think you ought to grab some for this board. Else they might grab you first.
For the treats, I bought some pumpkin spice-coated pretzels and maple cream cookies and hedged the board with them. I will truly be bummed when Trader Joe’s halts carrying the maple leaf cookies, not only for their aesthetic appeal on appetizers and such but because they’re truly delicious. I might have to stockpile if I see them this week.
I chose manzamilla olives because the red pimiento filling poking out looks eyeballish. And you know eyeballs are creepy as all shit. The crackers I had on hand became the vessels: a whole wheat water cracker and some fig and rosemary crisps. I offered only one meat selection, for J to eat, but if you need 2-3, pick up some prosciutto or capricola, or your favorite salami otherwise. I’m always a proponent of smoked salmon, too.
The fruit’s where it’s at for me. Blackberries and grapes fit my palette and my palate. Green apples or a good juicy pear are two other great choices, and pomegranates oozing their arils and juices could look particularly gory if you’re into that. I’m not. Think I went over that in my Spookydoodle Pumpkin Chocolate Cake pre-recipe ramblings. *Shudders*
To finish up, get some props and garnishes. I borrowed my pale pumpkins from our stairwell to place around the goodies, and of course the skeleton hands I keep repeating my love for like the boy recites redrum redrum in The Shining. I also had some cinnamon-scented pine cones to place on the surface around the board. If you don’t want the extra scent, some purely decorative cones would be just as reminiscent of a forest habitat.
Is that it? That’s it! See, no heating the stove or chopping herbs, just a few additions to your pantry and perhaps a discretionary hoarding of extra pretzels and cookies for the days following your entertaining spree. Because treat yourself. You worked hard catering a horrifyingly delicious Halloween for everyone!
Tried this cheeseboard out? Leave a comment below with your thoughts, and don’t forget to come say hi on Instagram and show me what you made!
Ingredients
- 3 cheese wedges of choice, such as brie, havarti, and sharp cheddar (used here)
- 1 cup green olives
- 6-8 maple leaf-shaped cream cookies
- 2-4 cups pumpkin spice pretzels
- assorted meats, such as applewood smoked salami (used here), prosciutto, or roast beef
- assorted fruits, such as green grapes and blackberries (used here) or sliced pears.
- assorted crackers and crisps
- sage leaves, rosemary sprigs, small pumpkins, plastic skeleton hands, and pine cones, for garnish
Instructions
- Lay cheeses and bowl of olives on a large board. Surround with maple cookies, pretzels, crackers, and fruits. Finish with garnishes of choice around the perimeter.
