sidebar | life and training 7.15 – 7.21
Hello again, friends.
The past two weeks were dark and difficult. I think I’ve finally managed to come up for air as we slide into the final full week of July, and it feels good to be metaphorically oxygenated again. I will not miss this month. I resent this month. This month can kiss my ass.
I don’t want to detail things too much, for respect of privacy. It is not my place to share an abundance of details in this regard. But two weeks ago, I woke up to a 3 am text message from a friend in distress (or coming out of serious distress, I suppose) that culminated, three days later, into them undergoing the fight for their life over the next several months.
In a matter of 72 hours, someone I was very close to and spent a lot of time with was gone. Just like that.
They’re safe, “well”, and doing what they need to do. But nothing really prepared me for a whirlwind of a Wednesday afternoon that switched from thinking I had a few extra hours to figure shit out, to whipping out the door after the fastest shower ever to meet them at the hospital where they were waiting and ultimately seeing them off after a single hour of company. I probably ran at least two traffic lights. I wore pajamas and looked like shit. But I managed not to cry, until later, and the stream basically wouldn’t stop for two straight days.
I had no real details, and I still don’t, nor does their family. We’re all in this cryptic purgatory of waiting to hear what’s what for the next several months. I’m basically barred from contact and am relying on a middleman to keep me in the loop. I dunno, when you can’t find thorough information about a place online, you might wonder about it’s legitimacy or efficacy, or both, I guess. I’m sure it’s legitimate, I’m just not sure it’s right, you know?
Those first few days after goodbye were hard. I gave myself grace, I did very little, I let myself shrivel to the basics of survival and worry about the accessories later. I had a moment of intense inspiration that Saturday and signed up for a pair of 5K races over the span of a couple weekends. I figured they’ll keep me busy, and get me back into an atmosphere I haven’t enjoyed for over a year. I have a bit of a calendar in mind throughout the fall and winter.
Come the following Monday, I finally felt like I rose from the dead a little bit after a weekend of eating basically just avocado toast and pasta and running naught. I attended a support group that uplifted my heart more than I expected (and I’m going back tonight). I signed up for a personal therapy session. Slowly, the mood settled, the mind shifted, and I found focus on things I enjoyed again. I reached out to my friends, on whom I’ll certainly lean while all of this goes on in the background. I have rolling plans with a couple folks.
But my heart is certainly reaching for and sitting with my pal. I hope they feel the support I wish I could give in person. I hope it gives them strength. And I’ll still have moments where the sadness suddenly rushes in and swallows me under. But I’ve been better at climbing out as the days pass. More hopeful than despondent.
2024 is a gritty year, and July was a fail of a month. While talking with my best friend I mentioned that I hope year 30 is just a purge of my 20s – getting all that gunk out so I’m clean and fresh for the rest of the decade. That’s really all I can do: hope. I’m not an overtly optimistic person, but I always hold that little tendril, it keeps me going despite my desire to just lie down and accept defeat sometimes.
I’m ultimately trying to care for myself and create some new routines. As I said, I’m attending therapy again, as well as putting more intent and purpose into my running; I’m connecting with other friends as much as possible, having conversations, exploring, making new memories. Biding time. Giving love. Trying to make a difference.
So, adventures weren’t as prolific while I recover from the shock value of two Wednesdays ago. Another friend and I met up at Rocco’s Tacos to catch up: I just had some chips and guac. She dropped the bombshell on me that she plans to move at the end of August. I knew her move was impending but it shifted up two months, understandably considering her circumstances, but it sort of lent to the swell of loneliness I already felt creeping up. Hard news, but she needs it, and I’m proud of her for making a shift that’ll benefit her in the long run.
The following day I visited Oxford Exchange for the first time in fucking ages – with Little Miss Ba in tow, as she loves her coffee – only to find that the parking is all metered now. Ridiculous. Friday, J and I said a first farewell to Luv Child, a spot at which I’ve eaten twice and is sadly closing next weekend. I ordered the plant-based nachos and a lemonade, and we shared some yucca fries. Fabulous.
My appetite was really goofy over the recent span, but I think it’s revitalizing and craving a more normal array of foods now. Promising. I will be restarting my meal plans and biweekly blasts – I’ve missed doing them, but I needed to get my head straight before I attempted to add another task to my list.
Going forward, I need to be incredibly intuitive with my mental state. If I crave rest, I’ll give myself permission to slow down. When I feel active and inspired, I’ll roll with it. If I want to jump in my car and drive 90 minutes to a coffee shop, why the fuck not? This is a period to focus on me, to improve myself, to make plans, to get in touch with what I need. I’m sure I’ll figure more out along the way. Perhaps it’s something to be excited for.
Folks, despite the noise of the outside world, I encourage you to tune in with your heart and soul’s cravings as the months pass from summer to fall, from fall to winter. Self care is such an overused term, but it has merit: if you neglect yourself, you can’t show up for others. Especially true now, as so much tumult surrounds us. Go inward. Give hugs. Throw love where you can, but particularly to yourself.
I hope you’re well. If you’re not, I hope you get well soon. I’m here, walking alongside you, the whole way down.
The Fuck We Cooking This Week?
…A summery bbq salmon bowl.
…Double decker brookies
…A sweet and spicy summer cocktail.
A Few Things I’m Digging
Toast…Always love toast, but with my appetite and tastebuds being as stubborn as they are, I’m reverting back to a favorite combination: avocado, tomato, and basil, often with an egg or some scrambled egg whites. My Marinated Tomato Basil Avocado Toast is a similar, but slightly upgraded version of this!
Cereal…Raisin Bran Crunch is my favorite right now. I usually take it to work for breakfast with Siggi skyr, banana, berries, and a glob of peanut butter.
Favorite Peach Sips
It’s prime Booty Fruit season, fellas – and while I have plenty of peach recipes planned, here’s some good cocktails you’ll quite enjoy as the summer rolls along. Next week I’ll share some more peachy keen ideas for hot weather nomming.
Shops & Wish List
Fashion
Target…Peeking at their pre-fall edit. Bought this cute pullover sweater tank (the “Rust”) shade, and liking the cami vest and fit-and-flare mini dress. Tempting to try out these Betsy clogs also.
Kitchen & Dining
Crate & Barrel… The new Symphony glasswear collection is lovely – I especially like the coupe and wine glasses.
Home
Amazon cart…I caved and bought myself a Hydroflask (fuck Stanley) since my current water bottle has 0 insulation. Also: these adorable postcards; these were my other option if for some reason the former don’t work out.
Week in Training
Monday, 7.15: 6.2 miles, 11:04 pace + 12 minute lift
Alright. Let’s try establishing a routine here. My running is going to be very intuitive for awhile, just doing what feels right and good. I got into a nice groove so decided to squeak in a 10k. The body is still depleted and I know my eating hasn’t been fantastic (eating well, but certainly not enough) so shorter distances fit the bill.
Strength:
- 3 x 10 shoulder press 15#
- 3 x 10 diamond squat 50#
- 2 x 15 ea. dumbbell pass 25#
- Core work
Tuesday, 7.16: 3.19 miles, 10:59 pace
The lack of breeze lately is killing me. But this was okay, really.
Wednesday, 7.17: 6 miles, 10:37 pace + 11 minute lift
Felt a little inspired today so did a little speedy session! Very simple, just an unorganized 6 x stride situation – probably held each for around 30 seconds or so. Fastest clip was 6:15 pace which is a far cry from my best fitness, but it felt nice to get some turnover in. Also squeezed in a quick strength session.
Strength:
- 3 x 10 underhand row 25/30#
- 3 x 10 squat 80#
- 2 x 10 stir the pot
- 2 x 15 ea. single leg extension 10#
Thursday, 7.18: 5.58 miles, 10:45 pace
Tread-run after work because I was pissed off upon waking and couldn’t stomach a 77 dew point rage run at 4 am. Felt good to trot in the AC and let my mind wander (and miss calibrating half the mile markers because I had my head up my ass).
Friday, 7.19: 4.11 miles, 10:57 pace
My calves and hamstrings have been really tight this whole week, and I especially felt it today. Sunday’s rest day is gonna feel real nice, methinks.
Saturday, 7.20: 7 miles, 10:57 pace + 13 minute lift
So damn tired this morning – my eyes kept fluttering closed while trying to text my mom when I woke up. Several days of 6 hours of sleep probably isn’t helpful. Hoping I can catch up in the evening.
Strength:
- 3 x 10 shoulder press 15#
- 3 x 10 skullcrusher 15#
- 3 x 12 alt side lunge 40#
- 2 x 12 ea. single leg bridge
- 50 bicycle crunches
Sunday, 7.21: 5 mile walk (1:17:38)
Rest day strollin’.
Total running mileage: 32.1
