sidebar | life and training 8.12 – 8.18

IT WAS MOMSIE’S BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Thursday, I celebrated mom. Birthdays nowadays for all of us are pretty unelaborate ventures: I certainly don’t need ceremony, and neither does my mom. I guess we’re two peas in a pod that way. A good meal, shared conversation, and quality time are enough. Any seconds, minutes, hours I pass with her are immeasurably valuable.

So, I baked up a cookie cake (gonna share soonish!) and drove over to make lunch and chat with momsie. We took our obligatory special occasion photo, shared lunch, and talked. Simple and pleasant. I’m endlessly grateful that we live so close to one another. I don’t drive over there enough, admittedly, but knowing she’s within 35 minutes and a scenic bridge away is a comfort to me.

Happy, happy birthday, mom. I love you forever.

July lingered like an ingrown toenail, I tell you – but August is flitting away like a frightened squirrel. I mean, shit, it’s the 19th already. And while I refuse to fully embrace the autumnal swirl overtaking all the retailers, I will admit that I bought a pumpkin candle and some pumpkin granola the other week. Might buy more. But I will not have any variety of PSL until September. That’s my hard and fast rule.

I experienced a lot of anxiety this week. Anticipatory dread would be a more apt descriptor. What I feared most didn’t come to fruition, and while I was quite sad when I learned what prevented it, I was also relieved because it further answered some questions with unknown resolutions. I often find it easier to stomach tough information when I know there’s nothing I can do to change anything.

What I have been working to change, though, is myself. I blew through a very frantic, determined stage a couple weeks back and find the frenzy slowing up – and shit becoming more real, which can serve to disorient and unsettle me. Change is difficult for me to stomach. Leaving the comfort bubble is challenging. I am trying to convince myself, though, that I owe it to my existence to at least try, even if I don’t fully follow through.

For example, this week I have a virtual interview to enter the county’s substitute teacher system. My brain is floating into “what if I hate it, what if I can’t commit to the amount of hours they need, what if what if what if” syndrome, and I have to keep reminding myself not to get too far ahead. Go through the interview, then if that goes well, go through with the background checks, and if that goes well, see what comes thereafter. No use plopping resolutions on something with absolutely no concrete evidence!

That’s something I’m working on with my therapist: catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions. My biggest banes. It’s gonna take time to reverse those embedded thought traps, but I’m really making attempts to work out of that pattern. So far, I haven’t been great. It’ll take ongoing practice, though.

I’m spending a hell of a lot of time alone lately. I like to think I need it. I’m tired of rehashing the same demons, and have felt incredibly exhausted and low tolerance. Sometimes I’m guilty about this hermiting and the reclusive habits I tend to form – it’s the phase I’m in currently, though, where rest and going inward are crucial, and drawing thick boundaries is necessary. They’ll thin out with time.

I spent a good amount of time on the phone, which is still rather new to me. I called my sister on Wednesday and trapped her in Michael’s for over an hour while I ranted and raved, but ultimately I hung up feeling way better (and bad that she had to walk in circles around the craft store, sorry dude). Friday my friend’s mom gave me a ring to explain some new developments, and I think to unload some stress – which I was happy to listen to, but man did I feel bad for her. The collective level of unease amongst everyone I know lately is high. Misery loves company, I suppose.

Adventures were few and far between. I’m focusing on stabilizing my eating and getting into a good routine, being productive, and so forth. Tuesday we had some more post-therapy ice cream, my favorite little pasttime, though I was sadly a little disappointed with the flavor! I’ve had their espresso kahlua before (which I used as inspiration for my own no churn variety) but this batch was weirdly icy and watery. Ah well.

Wednesday I visited Oxford Exchange to study for my FTCE and enjoy a soy cappuccino and blueberry loaf with Little Miss Ba. I don’t know if I have much business drinking coffee at 4pm, but it’s kinda the only time of day I’m able to escape to get my reading in.

Saturday, after a pretty chill day, J and I walked over to Lona for happy hour. The bartender was weirdly judgey (“you want the nachos and chips and salsa?” Uh, yes dear, I would, did I stutter.) but otherwise I had a nice little aside. I haven’t drank alcohol in over a month – perhaps an unconscious act of solidarity, it’s hard to say, but I haven’t wanted it – and just gorged myself on their nacho plate. So good. The amount of pickled red onions they put on it is delightfully absurd.

Oh…apparently Florida has a law that you have to change your license plate every 10 years. My wonderful old tag number is now moot and I have a really lame one now. I was emotionally attached to that stupid tag! Imagine if they made us do that with phone numbers. We’d all be fucked.

I hope to get myself out and about a bit more this week. I have some businessy things to attend to – studying, group interview, and apparently a phone call for something work related that I’m hoping to get approved ASAP – and another 5K race on Saturday. It’s at 9am, which is absolutely dismal. Hoping for a lot of clouds or even some rain. Rain would be dope.

Take care and be kind to yourself, friends!

The Fuck We Cooking This Week?

…The easiest creamy shrimp tostadas.

…Indulgent chocolatey cupcakes.

A Few Things I’m Digging

Coffee…Target released a Pecan Pie roast and it is mighty good. Still not up to par with Trader Joes’ Autumn Maple, but an apt carryover.

Granola…Snarf up this pumpkin spice granola as early as possible – it disappears fast and is utterly fantastic. I always buy at least two bags at a time because it’s favorite granola for a morning yogurt bowl.

Fries…You really can’t go wrong with any of Ore Ida’s fries, but the waffle fries are my new love. They’re perfect with a “chicken” burger or any kind of sandwich for lunch or dinner.

Shops & Wish List

Kitchen & Dining

Crate & Barrel…Like these speckled blue coupe plates – they’re the same design as the white ones I often use in my photos. Eyeing these bronze serving utensils, gravy boat (do I need a vegetarian-friendly gravy for Thanksgiving this year?), and these pretty fluted coupe glasses.

Week in Training

Monday, 8.12: 7 miles, 10:52 pace + 16 minute lift

Heavy hearted run, but it didn’t feel quite as miserable outside. The breeze was nice.

Strength:

• 3 x 10 front squat 60#
• 3 x 10 shoulder press 15#
• 3 x 10 narrow press 20#
• 2 x 10 pushup
• Core work

Tuesday, 8.13: 5.62 miles, 10:40 pace

Slept HORRIBLY the prior evening but the run felt alright – I was basically in a daze all day though.

Wednesday, 8.14: 5 miles, 9:43 pace

Little speed workout. I felt better this morning, albeit really stuffed up, but the turnover felt good. 2 mile warmup, 1 mile push (8:02), 800m recovery, 800m push (7:28), cooldown to 5 miles.

Thursday, 8.15 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!): 6.2 miles, 10:44 pace + 15 minute lift

Man, I should’ve run 7.1 miles in honor of mom’s 71st, but alas. Allergies felt really pronounced this morning (or something, chest was tight as hell). Got in a quick strength workout after too.

Strength:

• 4 x 8 deadlift 100#
• 3 x 10 stability ball chest press 20#
• 3 x 10 ea. side raise 15#
• Core work

Friday, 8.16: 3.32 miles, 10:32 pace

More lack of sleep, but it was a bit less humid this morning and the breeze had a slightly refreshing tinge? Odd for mid-August – hey man, I’ll take it.

Saturday, 8.17: 6.2 miles, 10:28 pace + 15 minute lift

Felt SO much nicer this morning! 68 dew point and it made a huge difference, though my allergies or something are still flaring up and my breathing felt off. Ran 10 x 100m strides: fastest was :23, slowest was :27, most were around a 6:40 pace. Not terrible.

Strength:

• 3 x 10 ea. side lunge 40#
• 3 x 10 shoulder press 15#
• 3 x 10 triceps pushdown 28#
• Core work

Sunday, 8.18: 5 mile walk (1:17:16)

Total running mileage: 33.4